Application to be your Imaginary Boyfriend m4w I would like to apply for the position of your imaginary boyfriend.
Come on, admit it, youve fantasized about one.
Real-life boyfriends come with so many problems; who needs them? They dont when they promise, they burp and fart, they hit on your girlfriends (to say nothing of your sisters, your mother and/or your daughters), they ignore you when the game is on, and once theyre done, they roll over and fall asleep, leaving you hanging. And lets not even get into the problems of introducing them to your family or taking them home for the holidays.
How much better an imaginary boyfriend would be. Picture the advantages:
You can boast about me to your friends and your mom all you want. Ill be better looking than Bradley Cooper, funnier than CK, more polite than Gere, and more successful than the Forbes 400 put together. Ill sound too good to be true, because, well, duh!
Those times that your friends want you to go out but you just cant bear the thought of another night of bowling with the drunks from work? Why, youve got a date scheduled with your imaginary boyfriend! Everybody wins!
Gone will be those episodes of fretting over what to wear and how to do your hair, only to be left alone because something better came up. With me, your hair will ALWAYS look fabulous and your butt will never look big in those jeans.
Ill never leave the seat up, never take the last Diet Coke out of your frig, or mooch off of you, claiming that I left my wallet at home. Youll never come across a text or a picture from another girl on my phone. Morning breath will never be an issue.
And never, ever again will you have to worry about whether youre going to get taken care of. Not only will you always be first but can you say "multiple"? Thats right.In Chicago, they say vote early and vote often. With me.you get the drift.
Interested?
I would be happy to engage in conversation should you find this letter of introduction to be intriguing. I hope to provide you with the imaginary boyfriend that you, your family, and your friends all.
If you have an opening for this position (and thats not a double entendre, no, even though Im imaginary, Im still a gentleman), I urge you to contact me post haste.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
IB
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Dad tells his 2 years old toddler daughter she can't have a boyfriend. Her reaction was priceless