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To my Oracle, My Goddess m4w May be that's giving it away, the title of this post. It's late, and you are hopefully quit in smurffy dreams. After I right this, I will do as I do every night. I will desert picture of you so sweet that sunny day. I will whisper to you that I love as if you are here and I there with you now. I will slip under the covers and tell you good night and sweet dreams and have the wind carry my whispers to you. And I will not think about how too too long it has been since we have seen each other, and shared stories and secrets.
I try not to think about the over whelming feeling I get when we do see each other, as to how strange it feels to, not hold your hand, not caress your hair, not, kiss your lips. Because, it's this strange feeling that made me take notice of you again, you, my wonderful, sweet dearest friend. My friend with whom I've shared great moments in life and wish, and can't wait to share more. You, for who is the ex of some one I too sometime friend, but my friend strangley does not keep me so near. May be he knew before I knew, before I could admit to myself, that, I do love you.
I know now that I have been at battle with this feeling lonely wife seeking nsa Nags Head for a long time. Some would tell one that a man should just "Go for it!" that, "Love is all that matters" And while I may agree, I have been at odds with myself, my true feeling and all to keep a code in this world where men seem like that keep nor respect any codes, and care less to keep their word. That friends, do not covet another mans woman, present, or former, especially one of a friend. No man in this world could ever stop to praise your beauty, and I have buried that part of myself with you so deeply only to have all of who you really are rise the animal in me that you only know from distance.
In the realization of the fullness of me being my truest self, I can longer veil how I feel behind the code, I can't hold back for feeling of doing what is right. And I have no fear of loosing you in the telling. Only that I need to tell you in person, as on the wind I tell you everyday. I love you.
I loved you the first time I met you. I could not believe that my child hood premonitions of you was around the corner and that your smile was flesh and as bright, that you stood in front of me and said hello in a voice that was drowned out your man who would become my mutual friend. I could not stop freezing you in my frames of time with my ancient old school time machine. I waited to see the proofs of you manifest in the light and shadows my brain interpreted as you in front of me. And there you were. And there, he was.
So I earned my "St." Hood Sainthood and suppressed your Gama Rays that had radiated the Hulk in my Heart. And I made you my friend, and then you became my sister. And I thanked all of creation that you were some how, the one, my goddess, and my oracle that bound my promises and twisted the locks in my declaration of Independence. I released my self from Babylon.
One night, we brewed and drank tea precipitated from the cloud of the caterpillar's hookah and our minds were one. We saw the light. We explored the answers we always knew from ourselves, while our friend we love shrieked at the horrors he had conjured for him self.
I thought A thousand Words, and the morning light posted them in ink on yellow Metetron cubes. Enoch had been at work. And we, "Children of God" had let go a lil, the lack of love from the Parents who cry his name so much, much more in vain than they ever know.
I watched you get married, and I wished you with all my heart the greatest joy and happiness the universe could give to good people.
I watched your sadness and confusion and frustration as it ended. And having known the sound of your tears, I remember crying at the thought of your pain, and the possible end of a thing. I'll not lament too much more on those sorrows.
I enjoy creating with you. I have found my muse in you.
While your not too too far, we are far enough away. I hope that you are not as lonely as I have made myself where I am. I imagine good men doing their best to show you a great time and give you beauty. And while I am definitely not that sharing man, I'm some how with you, not that jealous man. And hope good company is with you till I see you. Till I tell you in person what you must, already know. Till I claim you as mine and recue you from the matrix that is not reality. And thank them awfully for keeping you company while I was "gone till November."
Oddly I'd not, suddenly, we don't share these things with each other. And less and less of what we do not say screams louder than anything said.
I'm writing this out loud now to break the conversation in my head, maybe again before bed.
I've rambled on long enough, Ill stop before my spelling becomes any worse, before I repeat myself too much and before I start writing in prose again. P
Us working together flickered the flame from a spark waiting for the feeling to fuel a fire I will no longer contain.
When I see you again. I will tell you who I really am.
I will tell you how all my good dreams always come true. Then I will tell you my real dreams of me and you.
I love you, my friend, my sister, my love.
Always My Love
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